This commentary is by Julie Bomengen, who lives, works and plays in Lamoille County. She is a mental health counselor and serves on the board of directors of Lamoille Community Food Share and the Elmore Community Trust.
I wonder if we could all agree, regardless of our individual perspectives on the past two years, that it’s time for us adults to soften our grip, exhale, and initiate a healing process.
As a mother, an active member of this community, and a mental health counselor, these thoughts come from a deeply rooted concern about how our younger generations are faring in terms of their individual and collective physical, mental, emotional, academic and social well-being.
I believe children and teenagers need a boost from the adults they look to for guidance on how to view their experience of the world. There’s been so much tension as we’ve all tried to navigate and do what we each think is best for ourselves, our families, and our community.
The stress, anxiety, distrust, apathy and fear that have cast a shadow on our lives must be transcended by us all in order to support the well-being of our young people. I, for one, am beyond ready to loosen my grip on my dismay and worry about what I’ll call “Covid’s collateral damage.” I want to get back to being hopeful, and to pay attention to the joy and beauty around me instead of being sidetracked by the incessant gloomy doomsday narratives.
This is not to imply that we turn a blind eye to the true suffering and challenges that persist. Indeed, there is a lot of work we can each be doing, but I do wonder what would happen to us individually and collectively if we all actively put energy toward what is good, positive, safe, beautiful and working well? What could be the outcome if we “watered” these things instead of remaining focused and distracted by the anxiety, the fears, and the disdain for “other”?
I truly believe, regardless of our personal circumstances, that we have more agency than we know to turn the tide within our own lives, and by doing so, model for our children and our communities our resilience, as well as the active choice to respect and support one another, regardless of our differences.
In a 40-day mindfulness training that I recently completed in order to freshen up my therapist toolbox, the seasoned and brilliant teachers, Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield, encouraged us to remember that “where attention goes, energy flows.” Building on this premise, I’ve seen many people become arguably addicted to the stress, anxiety and fear that have characterized the past two years, ironically undermining their immune systems in the process.
As a result, their nervous systems are dysregulated: Stress hormones continuously circulate, fueled by caffeine, sugar, alcohol, overconsumption of news, sedentary behaviors, and obsessive analysis and discussion about the problems.
Instead of reinforcing these behaviors — which keep us trapped in a chronic cycle of stress and anxiety — what if we all, with intention, chose to turn our energy toward compassion, support, beauty and grace? What would start to flow if you did that right now? If I did that? If your neighbor did that? If your child learned to do that?
What if, both literally and metaphorically, we talked about the beautiful sunset or the return of the light instead of focusing on the rainy day or the cold temperatures? What if we worked to achieve a more balanced perspective on everything? Could we remember that everyone appreciates a smile, a friendly greeting, eye contact, a held door, a warm beverage, a good night’s sleep, a nurturing meal, a compliment about the work they did, the way they look, or how they made you feel?
Could we focus on cultivating what we have in common instead of focusing on what sets us apart?
Our children need to see and feel a renewed commitment to mutual respect and regard that goes beyond our differences. We need to help them feel optimistic about themselves, their future, their community, and their planet (climate anxiety is a real experience for our younger generations).
Children look to us adults to set the tone. It’s time we all soften and exhale and assure them that we’re making it through all of this and that we can meet in the middle and choose to believe in what connects us rather than what divides us. We will always have our differing perspectives and feelings about the issues of the day, but we can actively choose to hold space and remember that we have more in common as humans than we don’t.
It’s not a binary, either-or decision. I can disagree with you and still care about you. It can be both.
On day 40 of the mindfulness training, instructor Jack Kornfield said: “As much as the world needs your active response to suffering, it also needs you to live a creative and joyful spirit.” As someone who simply likes to help others, I’ll keep responding to the struggles around me and I’m also going to renew my commitment to watering seeds of joy, compassion and respect for all.
Our children need us to do this in order to feel safe and to optimally thrive. Will you join me?
