This commentary is by Tom McKone of Montpelier, a former English teacher, principal and library administrator.
Whatever you do,” she warned me, “don’t write a commentary about mansplaining.” I was telling her about Rebecca Solnit, a terrific writer whom I had discovered and who had written “Men Explain Things to Me,” the witty essay that inspired the term “mansplaining.”
At the time, I had no intention of writing about the term; however, prod a sleeping bear and you may wake him.
First, I have nothing to explain to women about mansplaining; at most, I can help some men to see it better. My main point, though, is not about a single word; it’s about conversations that we’re still not having enough of and — to flip an expression often used against women and minorities — the persistent problem of men not knowing their place.
In “Men Explain Things to Me,” Solnit writes about a conversation she and a woman colleague had with a self-important, older man at a party. Right after hearing the subject of her latest book, he interrupted her to tell her about a very important book that had just come out on that subject. “He was already telling me about the very important book — with that smug look I know so well in a man holding forth, eyes fixed on the fuzzy far horizon of his own authority,” Solnit writes.
It took a few attempts by her colleague to get the man to understand that he was talking about Solnit’s book. Finally realizing he was lecturing Solnit on her own book, he was appropriately embarrassed. She and many other women attest to how common such male arrogance is. And, guys, it’s something we understand: We know obnoxious men like that, too — though we don’t have to put up with them nearly as often or to the same degree.
A couple of years ago, I attended a daylong conference for Vermont nonprofits. The majority of people there were women, as were the two presenters and all but three of the about 35 participants in one particular workshop I went to.
When the presenters were about to ask for questions, the man who was in the front row started vigorously waving his hand. No one else had a hand up yet, so the presenters called on him. He wanted to disagree with something they had said. When the presenters asked for more questions, the other man’s hand was one that went up; however, they called on a woman. Next time, it was the second man, who started his question, “Wouldn’t it be better if …” Ugh.
Of course, they had the right to question what the presenters said; this is not an issue of keeping men from expressing opinions or explaining things. Mansplaining is when a man explains something in a condescending or patronizing way, especially to a woman. These two came across as know-it-alls, and it was a bit offensive that, in a room filled with women, they felt they had to go first.
As a man, I was embarrassed, though the men who spoke didn’t have enough social awareness to know they should have been. I wanted to comment about a good point the presenters had made and to ask them to expand on it; however, after the performance of the other men, there was no way I could raise my hand.
March 24 was Equal Pay Day, the day that marks how far into a new year that the average woman has work to catch up to what men earned in the previous year. One of the online stories I read had a photo from a 1969 protest about how much less women were paid. Over 50 years and we still haven’t fixed it!
A related issue — the very low minimum wage — is an example of structural sexism and racism, for women and minority groups are disproportionately harmed by it. Pay inequity is one of many ongoing forms of discrimination and other problems, including violence against women and how women are treated online and in the media. It’s 2021 and we have made progress toward gender equity and equality, but we’re not there yet.
In January, a group of political, business and nonprofit leaders signed an open letter from Vermont Has Her Back to the state’s press corps, calling on them to look at the way women are covered in politics and at gender bias in Vermont media.
Working with Vermont Has Her Back, on April 1 at 6 p.m., VTDigger is presenting Gender Bias in the Media. Best-selling New York Times writer Rebecca Traister will be the keynote speaker, and the follow-up panel includes a who’s who of important women in Vermont media. VPR’s Jane Lindholm will moderate and the panelists are Anne Galloway, VTDigger founder and editor; Seven Days editor Candace Page; Sarah Ashworth, VPR’s vice president of news; and Natalie Silver, co-author of Vermont Has Her Back.
Why am I pointing this out? I regularly attend social justice events and often men are painfully underrepresented. It’s not like we’re not part of the problem — or the solution.
I have signed up, and I hope a lot of other men will, also. For all our liberal wokeness, sometimes we’re still pretty dense. I’m still learning. We can all learn how to be better people, less sexist and more aware, and some of us need a swift kick into the 21st century.
As I close, Rebecca Solnit gets the last word: “… My life is well sprinkled with lovely men. … Still, there are these other men, too.”
