Editor’s note: This commentary is by Chloe Learey, the executive director of Winston Prouty Center for Child and Family Development in Brattleboro. She serves on the Building Bright Futures State Advisory Council, a governor-appointed body which advises the administration and Legislature on early childhood care, health and education systems.
In 1984, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the first National Adoption Week. Eleven years later, President Bill Clinton expanded the week to the entire month of November. Considering there are over 110,000 children in foster care nationwide who are waiting for their forever homes, the goal of raising awareness about adoption remains as pertinent today. Given the many paths that can be traveled to adoption, from foster care to international adoption to open adoption, there are several different issues that can arise at various stages and settings in the life of a child and their families. Being aware of and sensitive to these issues is critical as we seek to build an inclusive world.
Families come in all shapes and sizes, and recognizing, respecting and embracing that fact is the foundation for being able to create safe inclusive spaces for ALL children and their families. Key is understanding that everyone has a unique history and story, and not making assumptions about their experience. Being authentically curious about someone’s story leads to understanding. These are principles of relationship-building that can be used everywhere in our lives. This is a great opportunity to reflect on these principles as we consider our work with children and families who experience adoption.
According to the National Quality Improvement Center for Adoption and Guardianship Support and Preservation, some of the challenges that may arise for many children who have been adopted include “grappling with issues related to identity, belonging and attachment; managing complex and/or non-traditional relationships and roles with their birth family; experiencing grief and loss; and, figuring out how to be in a family of a different culture, race or ethnic group.” Classrooms can be a space where it is easy to inadvertently come up against some of these issues. For instance, asking children who were adopted to do a family tree can be a loaded activity. Imagine a tree that is pre-labeled with terms like “mother” and “father,” and “maternal and paternal grandparents” or makes other assumptions about family structure. Or imagine a child who does not know their birth history trying to complete a tree. This does not mean we avoid talking about families and history. It does mean we are sensitive to what can arise, and adjust accordingly. Perhaps it is as simple as letting children decide what their tree – or flower or garden – looks like and how it is populated. There are many resources available on the web, some from families who have adopted, that make it easy to adapt activities and others like it.
In some cases, children who have been adopted have experienced maltreatment, and having a trauma-informed approach is a way to create spaces respectful of that experience. Adaptations to classroom routines which may help accommodate a child who has experienced trauma include not using isolation as a punishment, remaining calm in the face of unregulated behavior that might be disruptive, and focusing to help a child return to a regulated state before addressing the behavior, allowing extra time to transition between activities, and providing a visual schedule to help a child understand the structure and routine. Some of these strategies are helpful for many children, not just those who may have experienced trauma or been adopted, and implementing them does not have to feel like something extra.
Shame can be a defining emotion in the adoption triangle, from a child feeling unworthy and unwanted, to a biological parent feeling as though they have done something wrong, to a parent who struggles with what it means to adopt. Sharing the message that families form in many different ways, and that there are many types of families, can diminish the negative feelings of shame and other complicated emotions that come with adoption, and create a space where everyone belongs.
The QIC-AG reports that the United States has more than 1.5 million adoptees younger than 18 years old, and the median age of children adopted through the public child welfare system is 5. Supporting parents and families of all kinds, including those created through adoption, is some of the most important work we can do to make sure our children have what they need to succeed.
To learn more about adoption and permanency-related resources and tips for youth and families, including families considering adoption and those who have already adopted, visit https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/nam/.
