Editor’s note: Walt Amses is a writer and former educator who lives in North Calais.
The “war” on Christmas has been going on longer than the war in Afghanistan. Bill O’Reilly & Company emphatically warn about the liberal menace, depriving Christians of their sacred traditions by having the temerity to insert “Happy Holidays” where “Merry Christmas” used to reign supreme. Or worse, suggesting government-sponsored nativity scenes in public squares cross church-state lines.
Particularly since Barak Obama took office, the seasonal inclusion progressives demand is routinely depicted as one of numerous Muslim plots to disarm Christians and impose Sharia Law on the unsuspecting dullards we are. Evidently, no one over at Faux News has ever taken a really good look at the illuminated, plastic wise men, crouching ubiquitously across America’s suburban lawns.
Persian, Indian and Arabic is what they are, decidedly un-Christian. If they showed up in person, most Bible Belters would call Homeland Security. Dudes who look like this are wanded at airports, profiled at Barney’s and conjured up in the twisted nightmares of Michele Bachmann. Several Yules ago, pointing out the obvious resemblance between Melchior bearing the bling and bin Laden sulking out of Tora Bora cemented my reputation as the family’s black sheep.
Well, all that aside, the holiday wars are beginning to suffer a serious case of mission creep, with big box giants Walmart, Macy’s, Kmart, Sears, Target and Staples among others, deciding to open on Thanksgiving, shifting the battle lines to what will soon more than likely be known as Black Friday Eve. The full-on commercialization of the last months of the year has become so routine, we’ve lost our sense of outrage about how the coersion of Americans to spend money they don’t have has become more sacred than any religion in history.
Although the season has been expanding for years with the first Christmas trees often appearing before the summer rental expires, Thanksgiving somehow seemed to maintain an aura of peaceful solitude, insulated through overeating and watching televised football.
And you’d think, with all the clueless Walton family billions, they’d be able to afford a PR department that avoids tone deaf statements such as: “Walmart associates are really excited to work that day, it’s a pretty high energy day for associates as well.” … Of course it is … they’re especially excited at the prospect of being trampled by a psychotic mob over the opportunity to seize a half-price version of this year’s Tickle Me Elmo. Not to mention making $7 an hour without benefits even as some Walmarts shamelessly provide bins in which food donations insure their exploited and underpaid “associates” can enjoy the holiday … if they ever get out of work.
Although the season has been expanding for years with the first Christmas trees often appearing before the summer rental expires, Thanksgiving somehow seemed to maintain an aura of peaceful solitude, insulated through overeating and watching televised football. Even if that’s your usual autumn weekend M.O., Turkey Day felt special — the last holiday left that seemingly retained all the right ingredients for guilt-free lethargy, nicely balanced with inter-generational family squabbles.
The irony of all this is that pundits so offended by Christmas being compromised by liberals, don’t seem at all concerned as it’s compromised by corporations — out for a fast buck — willing to extend the holiday shopping season until it’s as long as the Republican primary.
It’s the time of the year that big business in their lust for profit at the expense of everything else — including intelligence — appears to go into rut. In their haste to capitalize on the season, they make decisions worthy of “Saturday Night Live.” One small example, Hallmark, rather than develop a line of “Merry Stupid” cards, merely changed some wording in their current crop of “Deck the Halls” greetings thusly: “Don we now our fun apparel.”
Really? No one in a company that employs 11,000 people, generating $4 billion in revenue, fell hysterically out of their chair when this proposal ran up the flagpole? Or did they all agree that one more season of “gay” might initiate an unendurable spike in cross-dressing at Midnight Mass?
It is unsurprising then that corporate executives of such alacrity would trample (or stumble) over one of America’s bedrock traditions in a desperate attempt to turn people upside down and shake them until their pockets no longer jingle.
Our only hope is to resist. Passive resistance. Overeat and fall asleep in front of the TV. If we don’t, there’s no end in sight. It’s goodbye Halloween and watch out Labor Day.
