Editor’s note: Wired for Safety is a column on cybersecurity and other tech issues. Duane Dunston is an assistant professor of cybersecurity and networking at Champlain College. He received his bachelor’s and master’s of science from Pfeiffer University. From 2001 to 2011 he worked in cybersecurity for NOAA. He is a doctoral student at Northeastern University with a concentration in Curriculum, Teaching, Learning, and Leadership. His other activities include “You Have A Voice,” a project to develop an electronic screening assessment to identify human trafficking victims.
[M]y wife and I were in the family room planning out the week. We suddenly heard a male voice coming from another room and one of our kids responding back. When we inquired who it was, he said it was someone he met online and they were playing a game together. We asked him to disconnect from the game he was playing and to talk to us.
We made a request that he only be “friends” with people he knew at school with multiplayer games. Well, he did but a friend from his school introduced him to the guy we heard him chatting with. We explained to him why we want him to not talk to people older than he is, those he doesn’t know from his school (or family), and how it could potentially lead to being exposed to content or conversations he should not be exposed to by people older than him. He knows that we are open to having conversations with him on any topic.
As he told us about the incident, he told us that there was someone else he met who was a teenager and initiated a FaceTime call with my son. He said the teenager wanted to see how he “looked.” While we were shocked that it occurred, we did not admonish or criticize him. Rather, we took it as an opportunity to explain how it could have led to something unpleasant for him. It was an opportunity to explain how not-so-pleasant people attempt to use flattery or other tactics to make him feel good or cared for, that they are really good listeners and go out of their way to win his affection, support and trust. That could veer into wanting more from the “relationship.”
While we were monitoring his phone usage and SMS, two other electronic communication mediums were not monitored so closely, online gaming and video chat.
There are so many modes of communication and so many privacy-based apps and apps that allows chatting that it is practically impossible to keep up with it. That is why it is good to sit and talk to kids about internet etiquette and privacy, and learning how to communicate with people on the internet. We explained to my son how the person on the other end, even without the FaceTime chat, could have manipulated him into giving out our home address or where he goes to school. He said he would not have done that. However, I explained the methods someone can very quickly use, namely Google Maps and Google searches.
Fast access to information allows anyone anywhere on the planet to pretend to know your neighborhood so well that they can tell you the color of the yard ornaments in your yard using Google Maps. People with malicious intentions could be very good at social engineering (which is a method of secretly causing someone to divulge sensitive information). Knowing the state someone lives in leads to informal discussions about the state’s capital. Even if you don’t live in the capital, telling someone how long it takes to get there, still provides them proximity of where you may live. Other contacts with the person may cause you to give up the direction from the capital you live. The direction and time it takes to get there can give enough information to find the city you live quite accurately. Essentially, the person keeps up the social engineering on a child over a period of time until they have enough information to start talking about what is familiar (family issues, issues in their local area, etc.). That is when it is easy to start giving up more information because the child begins to feel more comfortable giving information and their day-to-day activities, family member names and activities, and family conversations, etc.
Kids need to know these methods so they can learn to catch the tricks that can be played on them. The professionals will not ask too many questions at once, they get info and discuss the game, get info, discuss the game, etc. The information divulged may occur over multiple days and weeks. Some kids will pick up on someone asking too many personal questions. If the question are asked over several days or weeks, the small bits of information start to tell a big picture of the kid’s life.
Grooming is when a person gathering information uses it to start a “relationship” with the child. The grooming process begins with internet searches. Their intentions for grooming a child can vary. It could be to lure the child for sex, kidnapping, hold them hostage for a ransom, exploit them for trafficking, or kill the child.
These people are good listeners for a reason. They want to use any sign of vulnerability and hone in on it. If the child is feeling lonely, the person offers to fulfill that loneliness by being someone they can always talk to. If the child is being bullied, the person finds out the reason and constantly reassures them that they are better than the bully. Whatever vulnerability they find, they will provide false senses of comfort to get what it is they want. We all want to be loved, cared for, listened to, and respected and some people take advantage of it and exploit it.
It is best to have routine conversations with your child. Click here are some topics to discuss.
Doing it all at once can be overwhelming to a child. It is a lot of information, and it is really, really important to listen to them and let them talk. Let them explain it as they understand it. Yelling and interrupting and admonishing them may cause more harm than good. Remember, the other person will listen to them, if you don’t and provide them comfort because of the yelling at them.
