Editor’s note: Wired for Safety is a column on cybersecurity and other tech issues. Duane Dunston is an assistant professor of cybersecurity and networking at Champlain College. He received his bachelor’s and master’s of science from Pfeiffer University. From 2001 to 2011 he worked in cybersecurity for NOAA. He is a doctoral student at Northeastern University with a concentration in Curriculum, Teaching, Learning, and Leadership. His other activities include “You Have A Voice,” a project to develop an electronic screening assessment to identify human trafficking victims.
[I] had to have “the conversation” last summer with one of my kids because he was surfing the web on a friend’s tablet looking at pornography websites. He reasoned that he was just curious what people looked like naked and what it looked like to have sex. Accordingly, we sat down and had the conversation that some parents may dread. I didn’t.
I was happy to have the conversation and allowed him to ask any questions he wanted, and he got direct answers. Some parents may want to take away their child’s device, but we can’t control every device they have access to. Even though I’m going to recommend a solution, it is just for devices that you can control. It is more important to have the conversation with your child and to have periodic follow-up conversations because they will continue to have questions. He did tell us things going on with him that was a bit much, but we responded to him and appreciated that he talked to us about it — regardless of what he asks or state, we always thank him for feeling comfortable talking to us about it.
After the incident with a friend’s device, we decided to install an app called Habyts (http://habyts.com/) on his cellphone. Habyts is for mobile phones, but there are computer-based programs you can use.
Before installing the app, we explained to him why. One reason is to limit his screen time, another is to have him do his chores before screen time, and finally so we can monitor the websites he visits. He also knows we can take his phone and review what he does at any time. However, I never do this by myself, I have him unlock his phone, and he sits with me to explain SMS (text) messages or phone calls, if it is a number we don’t recognize (which has not occurred, yet).
Habyts is one of many tools that allow the capability to monitor a mobile device’s internet activity. It can show the chores that need to be done (which you create). Once he completes a task, we can mark it as done and it gets updated in real time. Once all his chores are completed, he can get one hour of screen time. He can get extra time with “credits” for other things he does, or he can lose time or not get it at all. If he uninstalls Habyts, we will receive an alert. I also receive a summary of the websites he visits each day. He likes the tool, and we like it, as well. Last year, he’d come home and quickly do all his chores without reminders (improved dramatically on the trumpet having to practice every day to get screen time). There are software programs that he could download to use to bypass the restrictions, but those disappear when his screen time has run out because the parent can control the apps and categories of apps he can access and the types of websites. If he needs to use his phone to study, it will allow internet access, but parents can control the types of sites that are visited.
While these tools are great, they are limited because someone exposed him to pornography on their computer. What did he do? He came home and talked to us about it. We were super proud of him as a result. Technology tools are great, but talking to your kids about sex and pornography, and how to respond if they are exposed to it, can work better than any tech tool. Remember, you can only control the technology you provide to them.
