Editor’s note: This op-ed is by award-winning journalist Telly Halkias. It first appeared in the Bennington Banner.
Recently, I’ve been following a gender flap brewing in the Chicago winter gloom of over privacy from public officials versus an honest attempt at romance. Opinions on the topic are as diverse the people offering them, and perhaps lend insight into how inflexible we’ve become.
According to the Associated Press, the case involves a lawsuit filed by Evangelina Paredes, from suburban Chicago, against Stickney, Ill., police officer Chris Collins. Ms. Paredes is seeking damages for extreme emotional and psychological distress as a result of Officer Collins tracking her down by the information on her ticket, and leaving the following note on her windshield:
“It’s Chris … that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket. I know this may seem crazy and you’re probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since I don’t expect a girl as attractive as you to even go for a guy like me, but I’m taking a shot anyways But hey, I did cost you $132 — least I can do is buy you dinner.”
Mr. Collins also wrote he would understand if Ms. Paredes didn’t get back in touch with him — the classic caveat of a smitten individual who doesn’t want to get hopes up. The officer claimed he had no bad intentions other than getting a date.
The move was in violation of Rebecca’s Law, Illinois’ new domestic violence statute, which also stipulates Department of Motor Vehicle information can’t be accessed for personal matters.
And professionally it’s almost always not a good idea to use one’s public office for private pursuits. But the ensuing debates at least recognize the reality of such occurrences, and many seem to shrug them off.
An examination of online comments related to this story, and my subsequent unofficial poll of friends and family — particularly female — reflected this. Some said under no circumstances should a police officer ever attempt romance that way, and called for Mr. Collins’ firing. Many said an official complaint rather than a lawsuit seemed a more appropriate response if Ms.
Paredes was upset by the maneuver.
However, the clear winner, when combining Internet feedback with my own queries, was that a little romance wasn’t too bad a thing.
As a former public servant — one who was sensitive to the power inherent in wearing a uniform, carrying a weapon, and wielding a badge or some other authority symbol — I’ll go along with that, because at heart I’ve always been a bit mushy. But only if this was an impulsive act, not repeated behavior.
If past complaints were lodged against Mr. Collins, then that’s an issue his bosses should be called to answer, and for which he should be taken to task. But if not, many are prepared to concede that even the most upright among us are human, and police officers should be granted the same consideration for leniency and redemption when no malicious intent is present.
And no one should make light of verified cases of stalking and sexual harassment But past that, there was an element of human nature well captured by a female online commenter, one eschewing political correctness as well as professional decorum. It seemed to voice what many others were thinking but not willing to go on the record with:
“Let’s be honest, if this woman found this cop attractive, she would consider this romantic and cute. Only because she doesn’t find him attractive, he is a crazy stalker.”
Unlike that blogger, I won’t even pretend to know what was on Officer Collins’ mind when he left the self-effacing note, or on Ms. Parades’ when she decided to seek monetary damages. Yet I’ll throw this kindling into the fireplace: Imagine where we might all be today if our parents and grandparents had to consider a lawsuit as the possible outcome of asking someone out on a date.
Makes you want to drive the speed limit along Lake Michigan, even on a sunny day with the top down.
