This commentary is by Fred Baser of Bristol, sexton at that town’s St. Joseph Cemetery.
What happens to us when we die? There are two ways to look at this. One is philosophical, religious; the other is earthlier.
The religious and philosophical questions are not the subject of this piece and cannot be answered for certain while we are alive. The earthly questions are answered.
What do I mean? Over many millennia, the wealthy have constructed pyramids, mausoleums, tombs, large crypts and monuments to honor and remember their lives. Cemeteries (from the Greeks meaning “sleeping place”) have existed for over 14,000 years, the oldest found in a cave in Morocco.
I believe a defined resting place for one’s remains is important. They can bring people to a place to remember, honor, tell stories, and keep a connection to those they loved, knew, or deserve a place in our hearts and minds.
Today, there seems to be less thought given to remembering. I am the cemetery manager at St. Joseph Cemetery in Bristol. The purchase of new cemetery plots and columbarium niches is way down from the numbers of a few decades ago. I attribute this to the reduced role religion and spirituality play in people’s lives today. Then there is an expense to graves, headstones, columbaria, etc. Also, people are more mobile than in the past and our lives are less “traditional.”
Societally I believe there is a cost in moving away from planned ways of dealing with our loved ones’ remains.
Cremation, embalming and “natural” placements have been the traditional ways of handling the deceased body for thousands of years. Up until recent years, these techniques were commonly followed up by a memorial site being established for the deceased. Beautiful urns were crafted and placed in special indoor locations. Columbaria were built as a place of rest for people’s ashes. Many people chose to bury urns in a cemetery plot (this is still done today), just like natural burials and the embalmed.
The concept of creating a physical final resting place for the deceased allows for visitation and a remembering by loved ones and for future generations.
The importance of remembering hit home during a recent vacation. On the Greek island of Crete, we took a tour to places our guide felt we’d marvel at, enjoy, and remember.
The first site we visited was a cemetery. In the hundreds of neatly arranged and landscaped graves were the bodies of Brits, Canadians, Aussies and New Zealanders who lost their lives defending Crete against the invading Germans during World War II. The guide told us there was a site for the German soldiers as well. The Greeks remembered and honored those soldiers.
Our nation erected the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery for all of us to pay our respects to the unidentified who gave their lives in battle.
My wife and I visit our parents’ and son’s place of rest from time to time. It is peaceful at their graves, a good feeling. As is the feeling I get seeing headstones of people who died 100 and 200 years ago. They built our community, and country.
How one deals with death and treating the remains of a loved one, a special person, is personal. There isn’t a right or wrong. My hope, though, is that we all provide a place that encourages, and makes it easy, for people today and those who come after us to have a way of touching, remembering those who have passed. These are important markers for the human race.
