This commentary is by Shane Goodell, who is now a recovery coach in the Vermont Department of Corrections. He wrote this letter to his parole officer regarding his experience with incarceration and recovery. He is now off parole and, corrections officials say, is doing incredibly well.
I would like to take a moment to say thank you to the Vermont Department of Corrections, to wholeheartedly express my gratitude and recognition for holding me accountable for my misconduct and behavior that was not just destructive to my life but of the ones I hold dearly and this community that has also become very dear to me.
We often like to point the finger at the rules we break, the laws society has created. We do this to justify our unethical behavior, to justify the behavior patterns that will continue to fail us time and time again, but the truth is these laws are here to keep peace in our community, to provide a structure where our future generations can do their best to grow up safely.
Do we not wish for a better future for our children than we had? In order to begin to do this and heal, we must get to the root of our own misunderstanding, to begin to understand that our behavior is harmful to ourselves and the people who are dear to us. That we will never find any happiness continuing to live our lives through the filter of our addictions, whatever those may be.
I guess the big question is whether we want to begin to put an effort to change and grow, or continue to get sucked into the system, blaming everyone and every circumstance but ourselves. We act this way because we fail to have the courage to be accountable and admit our wrongdoings.
I have an extensive criminal history due to these behavior patterns. I have been incarcerated for over two years due to these patterns. The only difference is I refuse to blame anyone for the poor choices I made. That veil lifted the moment I chose to be accountable and honest with myself.
I must admit it takes much less energy to be honest and accountable than to continuously point the finger and make all these excuses for justifying our poor decisions. I must admit what a relief that is, how healed I began to feel inside of myself. Those two years were used as a time for self-reflection.
I said, well, it’s in the name of the jails we are in; they are called correctional centers for a reason. What can I do to correct my behavior? What can I do to change my life for the better? How can I begin to be happy?
These are the simple questions we fail to ask ourselves, that very few want to acknowledge, but I will say these are the best things we can ask ourselves — from a fellow human being who has experienced incarceration, has experienced supervision.
I will admit I used to think the Department of Corrections was out to get me and they were the “bad guys.” But how true does that ring? The reality is we are given simple guidelines to follow. These guidelines exist not just for the safety of the community but to give us some structure so potentially we can become part of the community again and find success in our lives.
Once I saw this, all that resistance I had previously experienced slowly began to vanish and my life has changed today in ways I can’t even begin to explain in this one letter. I invite you all to begin to be a little more open, to begin to see a little more clearly. Thank you for your time, and for sharing this experience with me.
