Editor’s note: This commentary is by Julia M. Ronconi, a psychiatric nurse practitioner who lives in Brattleboro.
Dear Parents,
Congratulations! You are now educators. To the many of you who are filling social media feeds with ingenuity, creativity and humor, my hat is off to you. To those of you who are collecting resources, creating schedules, and embracing the homeschool experience, I bow humbly before you.
To the quiet others, who are suddenly losing it at home, irritable, grumpy, stressed, perhaps with a simmering rage beneath the surface, this letter is for you.
Here’s the deal. Our primary job, above all else, is to love our children. We feed them, clothe them, provide them shelter. It’s harder than it sounds. Hopefully, we teach them manners and ethics, kindness and compassion. That’s it. At the end of the day, or when they turn 18, we will have done a good job.
Before Sunday evening — time of the fateful robocall — life was busy. Our heads were marginally above water. We worked, kids were demanding, we had aging parents. The stuff of life was all around us but we were hanging on. We were good enough parents.
Then abruptly, dramatically, we found ourselves in a new era. The forecast changed. The world and our lives were going to be different. Oh, and homeschooling.
I made it to 1 p.m. on Monday before my tension bubbled over and filled the house, before the kids got defiant and I waved the homeschooling white flag for the day. Tuesday, we held on until noon. Wednesday was marked by irritability and work refusal out of the gates. Tempers flared. All parties were acting out — enough so that my son asked as I put him to bed, “Can we start over tomorrow?”
Son, fellow parents, I am here to tell you, we can start over.
As we are thrust into this new era, the cultural imperative for productivity is still screaming in our ears. It’s as if all we need to transition from one epoch to the next is a Zoom login. In this context, we were handed the mantle of K-12 education.
I’d like to suggest that it’s OK to hit pause, to reflect, to catch our breath. We need to take this breath. This is big stuff.
It’s OK not to nail homeschooling. In fact, it’s even OK to play hooky for a day. Or two. Or three.
Let me be clear, I am not suggesting that we abandon education. I value learning. I want my children to be academically prepared for their future world. I am suggesting that it’s OK to forge your own path for a bit. If that path takes you outside with your kids, even better. If you bake cookies, yum. If you binge eat Doritos while watching “Shaun the Sheep” for a few hours, cut yourselves some slack. If you are trying to work a full-time job from home through all of this, you are superhuman and maybe this is not the time to become a full-time educator.
There is no formula now or for what is up ahead. Best to stick with those original parenting goals – love them, feed them, shelter them, throw some ethics and values in the mix – and hope for the best. At the end of the day, or when they turn 18, you will be grateful. If you can sprinkle in some math and literacy, that’s fine too.
