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BURLINGTON – After years of careful destruction, Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger has announced plans to demolish the rest of the city over the next two years. While City Hall Park has only recently been torn down, CityPlace has been a giant pit for years, and many road “construction” projects are also adding to the wasteland decor around the city.
“We had plans to demolish Memorial Auditorium and the old power plant,” Weinberger said, “but why stop there? People love watching things get torn down. I was watching this one YouTube video of building demolition, and it had over 45 million views! I think tearing down the whole city is the logical conclusion of everything that’s been happening over the past several years.
It’s something we’re really good at, it gets people talking, and it’s a lot less expensive than building things. I’m really excited about this next step for Burlington. We’re going to get so many views!”
Burlington residents have already begun protesting the plan, as a large group of people were already outside City Hall gearing up for a different protest when the plan was announced.
“This will not stand!” shouted one protest leader. “I mean…it WILL stand! All of Burlington will stand! We will not be knocked down! Meat is Murder! Meat is Murder!”
Weinberger has not responded directly to the protests, although sources inside City Hall says he is actively searching for wherever the protesters are going next so he can demolish that first.
