This commentary was written by Bob Stannard of Manchester, an author, musician and former state legislator and lobbyist.
It’s always tease tease tease
You’re happy when I’m on my knees
One day is fine and next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
— The Clash
The 2022 midterm elections are upon us. Every night and every day when you turn on your television, you’re subjected to the dreaded political commercials.
They’re not so bad here in Vermont, as our politicians tend to want to tell us what fine folks they are (and in most cases that would be true). In other states, the citizens are treated to a barrage of negative ads where candidates go at each other like gladiators in the Roman Colosseum.
Then there is always the “October Surprise.” That’s when one candidate discovered some real, juicy dirt on their opponent back around Valentine’s Day, but held on to it until two weeks before the election. For the most part, by the time October rolls around ,the American Voter, comprising of roughly 95% of the electorate, has made up his or her or their mind. The media no longer pays any attention to this group. They are boring. The media wants to talk to the Undecided Voter; not one who can make a decision.
For instance, slightly less than half of Georgians love Herschel Walker and will vote for him — period. The fact that Mr. Walker has no comprehension of facts, wouldn’t know the truth if it ran over him while crossing the street, and has lied about everything, will not dissuade his cult-like base. The slightly less than the other half, who believe that Mr. Walker should be in a facility where he could get help, will never vote for him. That leaves us with around 5% of the voters who have been anointed as “The Undecided Voter.”
While the overwhelming majority of Americans wake up each morning in an abject state of disbelief that there is even one person alive who has not come to a decision as to who they will vote for, the Undecided Voter is not deterred. The Undecided Voter’s world is not black and white. It’s more like gray. It’s more nuanced, or perhaps it’s more like the thick, pea-soup fog that appears on our lakes and fields this time of year.
The other day I watched a focus group of Undecided Voters from Philadelphia being asked who they would choose to serve in the United States Senate. The hand-wringing alone made it worth watching. On the one hand, they had Dr. Mahmet Oz, the TV doctor who never met a scam that he couldn’t sell to the gullible, is from New Jersey, and has proudly declared that he drinks his own urine. On the other hand we have the state’s lieutenant governor, John Fetterman, who usually wears a hooded sweatshirt and shorts and was quite articulate until he had a stroke. Fetterman appears to be recovering from his stroke pretty well, but still has some trouble speaking.
You might think that the disclosure of drinking one’s own urine would be enough to tip the Undecided Voter over into the decided column, but no! The Undecided Voter lives in fear of making a decision. The moment the Undecideds raise their hands in support of Fetterman is the precise moment that they become irrelevant. Joining the 95% of voters who had already made up their minds back around the time their lawns were turning green terrifies the Undecided Voter.
The Undecided Voter is the quintessential nonconformist. The Undecideds have a deeply ingrained belief that, should they ever make a decision about anything, the world as they know it will cease to exist.
We should all show some sympathy for the Undecided Voter who can’t decide between a candidate recovering from a stroke and one who drinks his own pee. Try, if you can, to put yourself in their shoes. Think, for a moment, of the struggles that confront them in their day-to-day lives. Imagine standing before counters laden with food choices. Do you choose JIF peanut butter over SKIPPY? There goes a half-hour of your life right there.
By the time the Undecided Voter has finally come to grips with their indecisiveness, the elections will have been over for around three weeks. For this small segment of our society, it is far better to have others make the decisions for them. When others decide, then the Undecided Voter has the luxury of sitting down hard in their chair, with their arms folded tightly over their chest, and criticizing the outcome of the race.
They can breathe a sigh of relief that they never had to pick a losing candidate. They can proudly wear their “I told you so” badges and move on with a contented heart that they weren’t responsible for anything.
That puts a lot of pressure on the rest of us. I can make a decision. I’m going with the guy who does not drink his own urine and I’ll take JIF over SKIPPY any day.
