People & Places

Satire: Legislature to focus on more controversial subjects to lure lobbyist money

The Winooski — Vermont’s premiere local satire site — is founded and edited by Adam Hall. 

MONTPELIER – With the news that lobbyist spending was down significantly in the state during 2019, the Vermont legislature is hoping to introduce more radical pieces of legislation this year in the hopes of bringing in more lobby money. Last year, despite debating bills on such hot-button topics as abortion and gun control, spending on lobbyists was almost half of what it was previous years.

“The lobbyists aren’t just faceless corporate minions,” says Senator John Rogers (D-Essex-Orleans), “they’re our friends. They have lunch with us. They talk to us about their feelings. We miss them. And this is an easy fix that won’t cost the state a dime.” Sen. Rogers recently introduced legislation that would ban cell phones for any Vermont resident under the age of 21.

Other legislation being proposed is a bill that would restrict Netflix accounts to 2 hours of streaming per day, a bill that would require anyone with an Apple product to carry explosion insurance, and an extra $5/gallon tax on gasoline.

“Look, I’m not saying that we’re going to pass any of these laws,” Sen. Rogers said, “but I’m just saying, why not send someone out to convince us that they’re bad ideas. Spend a little money in our state. It’s hard enough to get people to live here as it is; we don’t need the lobbyists leaving too.”

The Vermont state legislature will be in session this year until May 8.

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Jay Eshelman

Unfortunately, this isn’t satirical.

William Hays

The ‘ban on cell phones for those < 21 y-o-a' idea isn't a bad one. It could be, in subsequent years, be ramped up to cover those < 65, eliminating state subsidies for new cell towers. An additional $5.00 tax/gallon of gasoline will surely get the EV-driving Progressives on board, even if their illegal-alien lawn services jack up their prices. Don't have to bother with Carbon taxes! Round up the naysayers and confiscate their pick-up trucks and snowmobiles! Core Civic can house them in Louisiana!

James Collins

Excellently funny political commentary and a needed corrective swipe at Senator Rogers’cell phone ban bill, which is itself nothing but satirical commentary on anti-gun legislation.


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