This commentary is by Walt Amses, a writer who lives in North Calais.
Joe Biden remembers when the measure of a man was his relationship with his car, and considering the president’s ride is a revered 1967 Corvette that he keeps securely under wraps, why would it matter that the trunk contained a sheaf of classified documents?
Here’s the deal: “Shut up and stop with the questions already.” Watching the president smash through a gantlet of reporters as though on a stiff-legged, breakthrough sprint to the end zone, fending off questions with a juke step or straight-arm, does not provide great optics for a commander in chief with a troubling penchant for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
While supporters cringe at Biden having anything more in common with his predecessor than age spots and bad hair, ill-timed missteps, thoroughly blown photo ops and a general tendency to come off like a doofus that consistently set him up as an easy target, seemingly happy to oblige Republicans who depict him as a bumbler of the highest order, unable to do anything right.
One problem with the GOP’s giddy assessment is that it’s totally inaccurate. The president can boast accomplishments that have surprised even some of his staunchest constituents. But that’s not what everyone remembers.
Unscripted moments lie in wait as the White House press corps stalks Biden like hungry leopards on the Serengeti, thirsty for almost any response as aides encircle the president like anxious wildebeests protecting a vulnerable calf.
Federal agents scour offices, residences, garages and storerooms, turning up a daily dribble of classified material, some dating back to when the ‘Vette was nearly new. Several times a week, to the horror of West Wing staffers, 46 will stumble upon a vacant podium, unable to resist the temptation to “set the record straight,” which he generally doesn’t, instigating instead a flurry of “What the president meant was….”.
The newly minted Republican House majority that will be holding the country hostage for the next two years can’t wait to pounce, vowing to “investigate the investigation(s)” and impeach everyone from the attorney general to the Homeland Security secretary to the president himself.
Having brutally gelded Kevin McCarthy into a speakership with about as much power as the washroom attendant, Matt Gaetz, purveyor of underaged conspiracy theories, will be the ringmaster of this particular big top, a bevy of clowns at the ready.
One of the new stars in the GOP constellation will most assuredly be Long Island’s George Santos, whose refreshing honesty about performing as a drag queen in Brazil before trashing the LGBTQ community during his campaign, provided a breath of fresh air as McCarthy cited his presumed ability to nod like a bobblehead and push the right button at the right time like one of B.F. Skinner’s pigeons. He will join the wack-job caucus as soon as he is cleared of allegations that he defrauded a now-deceased dog.
In a country with more gates than a giant slalom course already, House MAGA-lites shun fears of redundancy, foisting “Docu-Gate” or “Garage-Gate” or “Whatever-Gate” on an unsuspecting America, unearthing once again the False Equivalence (oranges are actually apples) theory, conflating POTUS Emeritus’ thievery, perjury and obstruction of justice with Biden’s need to visit Staples.
No matter that it defies what used to be considered logic; it’s enough of a bone to toss a perpetually deluded constituency salivating to believe the unbelievable.
And finally, however much the GOP Brahmins would like to rid themselves of the Mar-a-Lago Misanthrope, there are several complexities involved beyond not having the collective cojones to do it themselves. Ideally, slamming the coffin lid would come from somewhere else, like the Justice Department or the state of Georgia providing Republicans with a sigh of relief as well as another opportunity for fake outrage at the indignity of it all. The other, perhaps greater obstacle is that he’s still as popular with conservative voters as pornography in Utah.
Another improbable wrinkle is that recent polls found his popularity still strong in the worst possible way for the GOP: Not strong enough to win in 2024 but plenty strong enough to screw his party over as he’s done in every election since winning the presidency six years ago, as he grifts his way kicking and screaming into obscurity, raging to no one on his oxymoronic “Truth” Social with “ungrateful” evangelicals looking elsewhere for help imposing their favorite superstitions on the rest of us.
Even his family — except for Melania, who’s under contract — skipped his “very big announcement” at the asylum by the sea, launching one more election-long con.
All of which leaves House Speaker McCarthy in a situation even more precarious than the one he “negotiated” himself into by striking bargain after bargain with the hostage-takers who still refused to release him, further diminishing his already paltry options and weakening his position to the point a single House member can initiate a no-confidence vote.
Since it’s far too late to grow a spinal cord, which wouldn’t matter anyway at this point, McCarthy finds himself on the shortest of leashes with his next two years pretty much limited to being an errand boy who won’t even get to decide which way to crawl.