Editor’s note: This commentary is by Islene Runningdeer of Barre.
[W]hen I was very young and a single mother, I was “on welfare.” That was the term used in the day (back in the 1970s). I was just 20 years old when I birthed my daughter, and we lived poorly for many years. I did my best, not having yet finished my college degree in music, and clueless about what sort of work in the world might suit me. I was not prepared, either financially or emotionally, to take on the responsibilities of raising a child in a healthy way. And because of that, she suffered. I believed that “I was a good mother” simply because my intentions were good, and I truly loved my little girl. But that was a fantasy that I had constructed within my psyche to help me get through a very hard time in my young life.
My upbringing had taught me that parenting was simply an instinctive thing, that it would flow naturally, without thinking much about it. But that was naive and untrue. It took many years for me to realize the error of this. In my mid-40s, finally in a stable marriage and pursuing a graduate degree in music and therapy, the painful realization that I had not been a good parent came during a course in human development that elucidated the basic needs of early childhood. By that time, my daughter was well into her 20s and struggling with the emotional baggage of a childhood that had been undernourished. If I had had more and better support during those early years, outcomes could have been different, and better for both of us.
Today, my daughter has created a strong and healthy life for herself and her daughter, through her own hard work. I am a music therapist, and just so happen to be working with a 10-year-old girl whose young mother is poor, like I was, and without meaningful work. Watching the challenges of this little family (the mother also has another daughter, an infant), I am reminded of my own story. And I am sad to see so little support available to make their lives better. I’m also aware of how our state is just now beginning to take seriously the importance of improving early childhood care and education, and wonder what I might do to help create new ways to nourish the young mothers and small children living in poverty today.
The young children of these mothers could be cared for in these centers by other educated mothers while the moms are completing their learning process.
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So, this is my idea. There are many women and mothers receiving financial support from the Department for Children and Families (DCF) in our little state. In addition to monthly allotments for daily living expenses, they receive monetary stipends to help pay for daycare services for their children, so they can work to help supplement their poverty level incomes. Many of these women (like the young mother I know) are not well educated and are lucky to find the most menial of jobs (in her case, working at McDonald’s), receiving a minimum wage that could not reasonably support anyone, much less a family. She is unhappy at work, unable to spend much time with her infant daughter who needs her now, and the quality of daily care and education her baby receives is in question. There is a lot of human waste happening here, which isn’t necessary.
Why don’t we institute a program through DCF which provides mandatory parenting and childhood education classes for mothers receiving aid, followed by work placement in state-run child care centers which pay reasonable wages? The young children of these mothers could be cared for in these centers by other educated mothers while the moms are completing their learning process. These women would come out of this with not only better skills as parents, but with training for decent and meaningful work. As their children grow and enter school, they may either continue in these jobs or make a move in another direction.
I’ve shared my ideas in a preliminary way with some people, and one of the concerns that arose was about the mandatory nature of this proposal. Some women might not want to be day care workers. But this is my view: I wish that I had been guided and supported in this way when I was a young mother. It was easy to receive a monthly check back then, without any responsibilities or expectations attached in return. Had such a program as what I envision been made available to me, I would have been better supported to face my serious responsibilities as a parent. I could have enjoyed the boost in self esteem that comes from doing my part, learning something new and important, and taking on my share of the load. Most likely, I would not have pursued a long career in child care, but the healthy benefits of such an experience would have better prepared me for finding the meaningful work that I truly love (and much earlier in my life, I will add). I can only imagine how wonderful this might have been for my daughter, who would have received the kind of loving and informed attention from me and others that she deserved.
I’ll admit, I do not know how to make this happen. I am not a legislator nor an effective community organizer. I don’t know how this could be done in a sound fiscal way. What I do know is that there are plenty of smart people in Vermont who care about the health of our families and children, and who have the knowledge and talent to implement such a project. I see my job as providing a vision, making some connections, and then watching with hopefulness as something like this comes to be.
What do you think? How many women with children are on the DCF rolls right now? How can our tax monies be reallocated to create a program such as this, which would bring so many good long-term returns? This will require commitment and creativity. Please consider this. Let’s get to work.